So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
