I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
