i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
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Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers