you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
