I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
