i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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