Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
