She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
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