I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize