you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
