one might say we're banned from that church
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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