Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
