This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
