did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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