so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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