Need sex. Gaining weight.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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