It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize