Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
