I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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