i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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