were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Are we still banned from the library?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
