Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
