life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Porn is love you can see.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize