she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
