I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
