birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
