So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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