This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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