he told me I talked like a deaf person
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
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Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I did not marry a roomba.
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