HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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