dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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