Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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