i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Randomize
