I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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