I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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