Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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