last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
