So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Rumble strips road head = magical
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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