How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
