Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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