I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
