So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
