I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
