i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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