I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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