I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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