dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
