last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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