I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
