i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
