You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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