I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
