I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If I die, sorry about rent.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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