so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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