I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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