I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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