ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this boner is exhausting
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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