You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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