He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
