Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
