Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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