Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
