I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
