update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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