dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
