THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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