I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize