Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
