i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
