New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
