Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
