Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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