he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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