Texts From Last Night

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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.

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  (678): I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job. http://tfl.nu/y0of
  Replies (13) Good night (986) Bad night (3358)
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  (631): View more from New York

  i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.

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  (631): i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties. http://tfl.nu/jppt
  Replies (18) Good night (4173) Bad night (1169)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.

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  (774): Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class. http://tfl.nu/k4fe
  Replies (26) Good night (6465) Bad night (744)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.

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  (330): just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months. http://tfl.nu/uiec
  Replies (28) Good night (980) Bad night (5325)
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  (646): View more from New York

  just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.

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  (646): just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice. http://tfl.nu/48r0
  Replies (4) Good night (3482) Bad night (864)
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  (+45): View more from Denmark

  You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?

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  (+45): You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right? http://tfl.nu/cwve
  Replies (9) Good night (4059) Bad night (1721)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."

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  (651): She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name." http://tfl.nu/v79x
  Replies (16) Good night (4324) Bad night (815)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.

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  (262): Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene. http://tfl.nu/6cb0
  Replies (1) Good night (1278) Bad night (607)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.

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  (630): And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates. http://tfl.nu/727h
  Replies (4) Good night (892) Bad night (377)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!

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  (608): Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know! http://tfl.nu/hgdr
  Replies (2) Good night (350) Bad night (822)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  (This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)

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  (330): (This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office) http://tfl.nu/5fmc
  Replies (9) Good night (805) Bad night (337)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.

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  (304): Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination. http://tfl.nu/22p5
  Replies (4) Good night (446) Bad night (240)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.

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  (302): apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask. http://tfl.nu/f2ag
  Replies (3) Good night (901) Bad night (254)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.

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  (518): I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting. http://tfl.nu/hrww
  Replies (2) Good night (897) Bad night (287)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD

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  (928): HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD http://tfl.nu/9xyp
  Replies (6) Good night (229) Bad night (411)

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