OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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