I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
