Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love

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  (540): she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/im7c
  Replies (9) Good night (1505) Bad night (533)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.

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  (513): There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/7obs
  Replies (13) Good night (4105) Bad night (939)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.

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  (321): I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day. http://tfl.nu/k9f2
  Replies (17) Good night (5476) Bad night (854)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.

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  (970): you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you. http://tfl.nu/kcuf
  Replies (12) Good night (2363) Bad night (3404)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.

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  (301): I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this. http://tfl.nu/hhg4
  Replies (12) Good night (1278) Bad night (2627)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.

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  (402): He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house. http://tfl.nu/iz51
  Replies (9) Good night (1659) Bad night (3311)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.

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  (647): Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference. http://tfl.nu/9fcx
  Replies (7) Good night (2323) Bad night (1211)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?

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  (830): Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas? http://tfl.nu/xrcg
  Replies (7) Good night (1697) Bad night (545)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.

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  (704): She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast. http://tfl.nu/wpj9
  Replies (4) Good night (1692) Bad night (570)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...

  (226): View more from Ontario

  did I at least say anything...

  (519): View more from Ontario

  you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living

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  (519): we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom... (226): did I at least say anything... (519): you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living http://tfl.nu/vjjh
  Replies (6) Good night (2040) Bad night (459)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.

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  (863): If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis. http://tfl.nu/mwio
  Replies (5) Good night (817) Bad night (275)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs

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  (905): He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs http://tfl.nu/gppx
  Replies (4) Good night (525) Bad night (283)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.

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  (906): I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring. http://tfl.nu/2xnf
  Replies (2) Good night (323) Bad night (421)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!

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  (306): had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function! http://tfl.nu/xw78
  Replies (1) Good night (295) Bad night (356)
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  (562): View more from California

  Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic

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  (562): Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic http://tfl.nu/6axg
  Replies (4) Good night (824) Bad night (243)

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