When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
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I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.