You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
