mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Houston, we have a squirter
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
