hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
