I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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