Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
