For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
